I felt my journal that I wrote and posted on my DeviantArt described what is going on well enough so I’m going to copy and paste it here:
I would like to sincerely apologize for my extended absence. Some things have happened and I have been unable to be on.
I’ll start with the small stuff.
High school is a beotch. Being a senior, I have to worry about college and finals and friends and family and graduation.
My art skills also went on perpetual holiday. But something really awful had to happen for that to occur. Here goes:
The boy I loved died.
There. I said it. No you did not misread that. Let me explain.
My friend Charmayne told me that I should not go through life alone after I went on yet another tangent about how much I hate men and dating is stupid and self-torture. So she decided to find me someone. And guess what? She did. In her good friend Gabereal. She was absolutely convinced that we were soulmates and she was gonna get us together. And proceeded to “sell” him to me.
I resisted at first, being the way I am, and pushed any feelings I had for him down. After a while, though, I couldn’t fight them anymore. The way he was described to me just got to me. Once I admitted that I liked him, Charmayne set to work. You see, Gabereal lived in New York and went to school in California at the time so she would Skype him often. He and I were both worried that the other wouldn’t like us and we drew each other things as well.
He soon fell in love with me. Even though we never met in person, we were on the same wavelength. We emailed and sent messages through Charmayne. He mailed me his lucky guitar pick and jewelry for my prom. They were gorgeous earrings and butterfly necklace. Soon enough I fell in love with him too. I was hard pressed to admit it but I do love him. He was the only boy to ever tell me he loved me, even if it was in text in an email.
But… Gabereal got an ulcer. It was so bad that he had to get surgery to get it fixed. And then get that fixed again because they did a horrible job. It had gotten infected and his temperature spiked to 108… Then he started getting better. A lot better. Gabe was sitting up, he was emailing me again.
But he got really sick again, really fast. Gabe had another infection that came on fast and the doctors didn’t catch it in time. The infection had spread to his entire body… He was in so much pain and I couldn’t be there for him…
He died from the infection. Turns out he had a kidney infection back during the first surgery and his kidneys were obviously discolored on the surgery film. The doctors had outright dismissed it.
THEY FUCKING DISMISSED ANOTHER OBVIOUS INFECTION THAT HE HAD. ALL IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN TO FIX IT WAS AN IV WITH SOME ANTIBIOTICS. THE CORONER EVEN SAID SO. HE WOULD BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW IF THOSE STUPID ASS DOCTORS KNEW WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE DOING. I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK!?
I was unable to go to his funeral but he was smiling and was buried with copies of many of the drawings I did of him and I.
I unfortunately become slightly depressed. Not enough to merit medication or seeing a therapist but I stopped eating regularly. I felt sick all the time and just looking at food made me want to hurl most of the time. I lost 15 pounds in two weeks. I become slightly despondent and my drawings skills all but stopped working. For three weeks I was like this.
Finally, I’ve started to heal a little. I’m eating again and my drawings are perking up a bit. Time heals all wounds, I suppose.
[Question! What do y’all think about me possibly posting some of those drawings I spoke of? Not right away but soon?]
